No Air

Scott and Caitlin at their best. It may be a bit off but it still looks amazing.

My 5 Current Favorite Songs

I seem to go through favorites like a kid goes through a bag of candy. I'm always trying to find new music but I tend to like the stuff that no one has ever heard of before. And when I find something I like I listen to it over and over again for about three weeks. Maybe thats why I'm always looking for something new. Anyway, here are my top five songs for this month. They will probably change soon.

PS - Most of these songs either have cussing or are a bit dirty, so, just be careful.

5) I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic At The Disco


4) The Heist by Incredibad


3) The Pretender by Foo Fighters


2) Get Like Me by Childish Gambino


1) Ka-Blamo by Incredibad/Lonely Island



Ka-Blamo video. It's the best. My love is in it

Fading

I’m scared. I’m so unsure what I’m supposed to be doing right now. People keep telling me that I’m young and there for I don’t need to worry about the rest of my life, but I can’t stop. If I’m so young, why do I feel like my time is running out? Why do I feel like if I don’t make a decision, I’m going to end up living a life I never wanted? I’m so worried that I’ll never get to do the things I always wanted to do. I’m scared I’ll never go to college, or become an actress or a writer. I’m scared I’ll never fall in love and get married. I’m scared I’ll never get to have the children I always wanted. I’m scared I’ll never make a difference. I’m scared I’m fading away.

I try to act like I’m fine. I try to act like I’m feeling better. But the truth is I go to bed most nights crying just to wake up the next day to do the same thing all over again. I’m hurting inside and no one can see. I feel so worthless. I feel like no one really needs me. I drown myself in my school work and my books just so I don’t have to think about how much my heart aches. I stay in my room all day silently hoping that God would show me a sign that I’m not just a waste of space. Although it’s hard to hear him talk to me with all the yelling from the hall.

I think I just need a friend. Someone to talk to; someone who cares. I feel like I never see my mother anymore and my siblings don’t have time. The only friends I had left either don’t understand or simply ignore me. I just feel so alone. I’ve written so much in the past few weeks, but most of it was just me rambling. I hadn’t actually cried full heartedly and understood the reason in a long time until now. It’s been all bottled up inside of me and now my shirt is wet and my cheeks are hot. It hurts but at the same time I needed it. I just wish this was the end of it.

Unbelievable Dinner

Unbelievable Dinner

Lost in the Sea

I'm lost in a sea of confusion. I'm not sure if I should follow the waves or try to paddle back to shore. It feels like each wind is pulling me one way, each one becoming stronger by the minute. My body feels like its going to rip in half if I don't choose. But what if I choose the wrong one? I'll drown in failure and depression. I can already feel the waves crashing above my head. Once I slip under there will be no turning back. I'll be lost forever in the depths of this black sea we call life. So what can I do? I'll just have to hold on to my ores and pray to god there's not a hole in my boat.

I made this last night

Degrassi Mash Up

I made this today. Check it out!!!

http://www.the-n.com/theclick/masher/playback.php?mashup_id=120063

I'm in love with this boy!

Caution: These videos are kinda dirty...and by that I mean REALLY dirty!

Once Again

Is this not my brother?

This REALLY reminds me of my brother

It makes me think of my brother like, playing with his kids. When Patrick says "Pinch"...I can totally see Jeff doing that!

Degrassi Moments I Love

In five second Craig gets the girl and then totally ruins it.


When Manny started dressing like a slut. Poor JT hit his head


Best Face EVER


I cry everytime I watch this. I don't know why they had to do this.

Oddly Attractive

Being attractive to someone is an odd thing. It can be caused by many things other than what they look like. And everyone has different things they look for in a person. Some like blue eyes, others like green. Some like a person that can make them laugh, others like a person that can sing a song in perfect key. For most its a combanation of many things. I like a boy who is funny and smart and isn't afraid to think for himself. But some of the people I find attractive are a bit different than the average ideal good looking man.

1) Giovanni Ribisi
What a cutie. He normally plays the goofy type but earlier today I watched a movie called "The Perfect Stranger"...Wow...he was messed up.


2) Adam Levine
AKA the lead singer of Maroon 5. I'm not really sure why I think he's cute...I'll get back to you...


3) Zachary Quinto
Sylar. What more can I say?


4) Seth Rogan
I have a thing for chubby guys I think.


5) James Franco
Mmm, Spiderman's best friend/enemy. So beautiful. He reminds me of James Dean. But, I don't think I'm the only one who loves him.


And lastly, but most important:

6) Trevor Moore
Not alot of people know who he is, but my god, he's so wonderful! His hair is perfect. No words can explain.

Awake

As darkness falls I lie in my bed silently waiting for the sweet gift of sleep. I toss and I turn, unable to find a position in which I can feel at ease. My mind races with thoughts of what I’ve done and what I should be doing in my poor excuse for a life. The constant flickering of the light outside my window reflects the shadows of my many books of which I so desperately cling. I close my eye, begging for sleep, but it’s hard for me to not check the time for every minute that passes to see how long I’ve been awake. Awake…a word that seems so harmless to most, but to me its one of many things I fear. To be awake is to see how worthless I am. To be awake I have to face my life and my flaws. In my sleep I can dream of being better. I can live the life I can be proud in. I don’t have to feel alone and lost in this world which moves so fast that my eyes begin to water with the spinning vortex that is my life. Down the drain flow my hopes and dreams. I would try to catch them, but what’s the point. It feels as if my hands are tied and bound to a heavy weight. I’m being pushed into the blackest ocean which represents the depression that surrounds my body. It’s hard to breath with my lungs full of water. To dream is to escape. To dream is to hide from it all. To dream is to be happy. Please let me dream and cease to be awake.

Ever Fell Like This

I know I have!

Last night after coming home from the store I told my mother something about the stars. That line got me started on a poem. That poem turned into a story. Its not done, mind you, but I like it very much. Tell me what you think.

I have noticed, recently, that the skys have been bright with many stars. And your eyes have become dark as the night. The feeling of terror over comes me as I run down the banquet hall. The blood rushes through my veins and my heart pounds faster and faster with every step. The cool winters air flows through the open windows as I throw the bedroom door ajar. Searching for a weapon of sorts, I hear your foot steps move closer and closer. I run to the window in the back. I turn to face you and as our eyes meet, I jump. I feel myself free fall for what feels like forever until my body slams into the hard ground. I lay there, unable to move for I don't know how long until I hear the front door slam shut behind you. I crawl to my feet, my head pounding as I try to run. My face filled with tears, I race to the black forest just as the bright sky begins to rain. The earth is quiet for a moment with the only sound being my beating heart and the pitter patter of rain drops hitting the many branches of this black forest. I tuck behind a tree and try to catch my breath. The crunching of the leaves under your heavy feet sound so distant. I start to drift off uncontrollably. My eyes grow heavy and I can feel my body slumping to the floor. I wake to the sound of you calling my name. Through the darkness of the trees I can see your body moving closer. I can hardly make out the face, but I know its you. In your hand is a sharp, heavy axe used to cut wood long ago. That image...your body slowly moving towards me, axe in hand, began to burn itself inside my brain. With a deep breath I lift myself off the broken leaves and branches. I spot a light out in the distances and I try to make my way to it. Your gaining on me with ease for no matter how fast I run your always faster. The lights so close now and if I could only make it just a bit further I know I could.... The world is blurry as I slowly open the lids to my eyes. My head is spinning as I try to move. Blood is running down my face and into my mouth. Theres a sound I can make out in the distance. As I begin to come to I find that my body is tightly tied to the trunk of a very large tree. I frantically look around only to find you, digging a very large hole. Your axe lay before me covered in mud. I search my body for cuts only to find a small gash in my head. Not from the axe...from a rock which lay next to me now.



Thats all I have so far. I wrote the last bit which starts "with a deep breath" just now.

The Whitest Kids U Know

About a year ago a friend of mine showed me a video clip from a tv show I had never heard of before. Back then I didn't really think he had much taste in things because...well, because I heard the kind of music he listened to. Since then he has shown me a bunch of stuff that I have grown to love. For example, he was the first person to show my Flight of the Conchords, and now thats one of my favorite shows. At any rate I saw the name of the show in my tv guide about two weeks ago and I started to record it. This show is amazing! It has me rolling on the floor at every turn. Its uncensored and uncut and simply amazing. It airs on Sundays on IFC. There are so many reasons to watch it. One of them being that Trevor, one of the main guys, is wonderfully hot! And so is Zach...


">

">

">

Mice

My house is being overrun by mice. And its not even the cute, little mice. Its big, fat, ugly mice! Annabell, my very over weight cat, is having a ball chasing them. This is the only exercise she's had in, what, five years! When I woke up today I walked into the kitchen to get a drink of water and take some pills to stop my nose from running. What did I find, you ask? On my floor was the head of a mouse. Just the head, mind you. Oh, and the tail. Annabell spit out the tail. "I only want the meat" my mother said in her funny voice she uses for my cat. After I found that horrible mouse head I went to check my email and I heard a noise that sounded like glass breaking. She had caught another mouse and was running around the house with it in her mouth. Later that day I went into the bathroom to change and to brush my hair. A big, nasty mouse come out from behind the toilet so I ran to get Annabell. When I tossed her into the bathroom and shut the door, all she did was whine and scratch like I was killing her. I finally got so mad at her that I kind of threw her out into the living room. I screamed at her and popped her on the butt. She hissed at me and I guess I was letting off some of my anger cause I threw a piece of paper at her. She ran off meowing. I calmed down and got the mail. In it was a letter for me....from the Humane Society....funny how things work, huh

What The Hell Wednesday

I find that as a person so ingrossed in the internet and television that I often come across things that don't make any sence to me and boggle my mind. Like why Japanese culture is so obsessed with the act of going to the bathroom. So I figured, since I'm such a giving person, I'd share the crazy things I come across each week. ENJOY!

Why in gods name is there a toy called 'Cock Blocks'?!?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD? And no, this isn't a sex toy or anything like that. This is a toy for LITTLE KIDS! Not that it being a sex toy would make the name any better. Yes, I'll agree that blocks are fun, but why the hell did they name it flipping COCK BLOCKS?! GOOD GOD!

The Darkness In My Mind

A while back a family member of mine tried to kill themselves. I haven't really talked about it since it happened, but tonight I feel like I should. I've always been a very depressed person. I spent nights in my room crying myself to sleep for no reason that I understood. Those who are close to me can name at least one time that I've been so lost in the darkness that is my mind that I have threatened to kill myself. I've had friends that have stopped talking to me because I get so upset sometimes and I'e had friends that told me to "go ahead and do it, not one cares about you anyway!" The main thing that kept me from doing it was my mother. I love her so much that my heart aches when I think about how badly it would hurt her. The rest of my family never acured to me. At times I thought they would all be better off. It hit me that my sister care a few months back when she thought I had been kidnapped or something and she yelled at me for about an hour. But sitting in my bed, listening to my sister explain to me what had happened that horribly tragic day and begging me to never kill myself...I felt a pain that I never want to put on someone. Although I didn't cry that day. I think the tears were unable to release themselves from my eyes. I think my mind had not fully understood...or maybe I understood it all too well. I understood that even though this horrible thing happened, it had made me see how badly I need to take control of my life, and stop these horrible thoughts. And you know what? I haven't had a thought like that since!

The Internet Party

This is a funny video I found today. The Facebook part cracks me up everytime. And something tells me Ammie would like the Snopes part. The end is dirty and not really funny, but overall, its a good video

Song Tracks

I'm such a weird child. My choice of music is so unlike everyone elses. Even as a kid, I ran around the playground singing songs that no one else had ever heard of. Sitting in the car with my mother, listening to my mp3 playing with her, I came to realise that I've always been a little bit different. Its not just the music, though that is a big part of it, partly because its a big part of my life. The movies I watched, the games I play, and just my overall mannerisms were so strange compared to the people my age. I think I've always been a little bit more grown up and yet still a child. I dance with my dolls with Josh Radin playing in the background. I love the fact that at parties with my friends, I'm the one sitting with the parents talking about real things. But I also love that I still sit in my room and play. I'm still an innocent person, and I'm ok with that. I think the fact that I'm weird and innocent is why a lot people like me. I think all those little things I do are what made me into the crazy person writing this. I think we need to be different. We need the little quirks that make us stand out. They are what make us and they are what make others love us. My weird friends were the best people I knew. They were the ones that loved me the most and the ones that weren't afraid to show their true colors just because others thought it was weird. They were the ones....that made life worth while.


Here's my list of songs that not a single teen I've meet has ever heard of before...but are still bomb ass:
(In no particular order!)

Song Name - Artist - Why its Awesome - Link

1) Tell Her - Del Amitri - This song makes me think of a scene from Scrubs where JD is in love with Elliot, but he just lets her leave. So sad. - http://profile.imeem.com/H4PUzUa/music/iZVtWfph/del_amitri_tell_her_this/

2) Closer - Josh Radin - Its so beautiful. He has such a pretty voice. - http://profile.imeem.com/H4PUzUa/music/HClB7dPH/34_joshua_radin_closermp3/

3) Dreaming of You - The Coral - Such a fun sounding song. The beat is awesome. - http://profile.imeem.com/H4PUzUa/music/i3M1tNK0/the_coral_dreaming_of_you/

4) Windmills - Toad the Wet Sprocket - Its a weird band name, but this song is beautiful. - http://profile.imeem.com/H4PUzUa/music/Hx_gzKwD/32_toad_the_wet_sprocket_windmillsmp3/

5) I Turn My Camera On - Spoon - This song makes me think of my sister, Sam, and her friend, John. Its just a fun song - http://profile.imeem.com/208v1Hw/music/Aft5w34Z/spoon_i_turn_my_camera_on/

6) Bunk Trunk Skunk - Be Your Own Pet - I love this song so much. I put it on when I want to jump around. Warning: there is a bunch of cursing in this song...and most songs by Be Your Own Pet - http://profile.imeem.com/H4PUzUa/music/Ha46g5cb/be_your_own_pet_bunk_trunk_skunk/

7) Blue Eyes - Cary Brothers - A very pretty song. It eases my soul. - http://profile.imeem.com/H4PUzUa/music/NlJfg2yS/05_cary_brothers_blue_eyesmp3/

8) Beautiful World - Colin Hays - Colin Hays has such a wonderful voice. His songs make me feel good. - http://profile.imeem.com/H4PUzUa/music/xr6YNqJP/colin_hay_beautiful_world/

9) Don't Know Why - Norah Jones - This is just about the only song I can sing well anymore, other than the song below this. - http://profile.imeem.com/H4PUzUa/music/5z8Rqy69/norah_jones_dont_know_why/

10) Feels Like Pain - The Grates - The Grates are such a wonerfully odd band. I love how weird their music is. - http://profile.imeem.com/H4PUzUa/music/BpxqxsfF/08_the_grates_feels_like_painmp3/

Magazine Girls

Why is losing weight such a difficult thing? And why is it that I want to do it so badly? I look at the girls in the magazines and I just don't get why I don't look like them. I mean, I don't eat that much and when I do eat, the foods not that bad. I'll admit that I drink alot of soda but come on, if I stopped drinking soda, I would still be no closer to looking like this. I don't understand why all these girls around me are so thin and beautiful and why I'm so...not. Its been driven into our heads that in order to be loved you have to be in top shape. But why is that the top shape? Why should I have to push myself so hard to look like these women when alot of them didn't do a damn thing to look like that? My best friend is the skinniest person I've ever met and she hasn't worked out a day in her life. She eats way more than I do and she lies around the house all day blabbing on about how unpretty she is. I kinda want to snap her tiny little body in half, but I withstand my urges. I looked in the mirror today only to find myself hating every inch of my body. Not too long ago I was finally starting to like little bits of what I saw, but now my self esteem has dropped even further down the scale of self hatred. It was like a took a "love myself pill" and I'm coming down off the high only to find myself worse off than before. I've reached the point where I'm trying to trick myself into believing that I'm prettier than I am, but when I pass I mirror it hits me that I am a bigger liar that I thought. I'm so sick and tired of trying to lose weight. I've even started to pray for it because I just don't have the strength anymore. Praying is not something I do often. I only pray maybe one every two months but I just want to pretty so bad. I want to look like those other girls. I want to be able to buy clothes without crying. I just want to be happy. Is that too much to ask for?

Magic Tricks

For some reason today I had the urge to perform magic tricks. I don't know why it happens, but every few years something comes over me and I feel I must become the next Houdini. Maybe its because when I was about 12 I read an amazing book about Harry Houdini's life or maybe its because every child wants to impress there family by bursting into the living room with a blanket tied to their neck and a stick they've covered in black paper to look like a wand. I guess I just haven't grown out of that yet...and I guess I don't really want to. Anyway I found a video on VideoJug about how to make your fingers smoke and I flipped out, running into the living room and demanding that my parents watch me. Though the smoke was too small for my parents to see, I was still excited that I actually did magic. I later became inraged because both times I tried to show my mother the light was too dim or the smoke just wasn't visible enough for her. Eventually the trick just stopped working and I whole heartedly believe that whenever someone is actually looking, no matter how well you can do something, you will never be able to do it in front of them! And that, my friends, is why Houdini will never be matched!

Six Packs?

Why is it that almost every girl I talk to and every guy I meet thinks that what makes a person attractive is having a six pack? It blows my mind that our society has been so dumb down that the only thing we can think of as "hot" is the fact that someones abdominal muscle can be seen through there stomachs. Did you know that not every person, no matter how hard they work at it, can even have a six pack? Just like not every person can run a marathon and not every person can sing a song on key, not evey person has the proper body for a six pack. So why can't these stupid people find something else to like about others? Oh that's right, because they are stupid. I'm not saying that I'm not stupid myself sometimes, but I can find plenty of things to say I like about the opposite sex. For example, I love it when someone can make me pee my pants with laughter. What's that you say? Oh, what do I like physically? Maybe that's my problem. I don't really care much when it comes to physical features. I don't care if someone is skinny or chubby, tall or short, brown haired or blonde. I really couldn't care less. Maybe I'm the weird one. I find most people, male or female, attractive. I'm always falling in love with my best friends and if you know me, you know how different my best friends are. The main things I love are deep blue eyes, pretty smiles, and the ablity to make me laugh harder than my favorite tv show. All in all, I fall for anyone who is nice to me. Which mean that I'm always getting hurt.

Anyway, here's my list of people who don't have a six pack, but are still damn sexy!

1) Hugh Grant

Have you seen this man? He's gorgeous! I don't care how old he is, I'm going to hunt him down and marry him...PROMISE!

2) Kal Penn

Am I the only person who finds Kal Penn attractive? I mean, yeah, he has a pretty big nose, but he's cute! And totally funny!

3) Drew Barrymore

She is so beautiful. And talented to boot!

4) Zach Braff

How adorable! So many of us wish we were that dog, eh.

5) John C. McGinley

Yet another wonderful man from Scrubs. With a smile like that, who needs a six pack! Am I right, am I right?!?!

6) Hugh Laurie

My mother thinks that if I were really around House, I would kill him. But I find both House and the actor that plays him very sexy. I guess I have a thing for older guys!

Well, I think I've made my point! Being attractive is more than the shape of someones abs. We have to stop taking one look at things and judging them from a glance. Now...Just one more picture, just for me!

Um...Hi

Wow....long time no...type, huh? Here's whats going on, ok

I'm horribly sick...ok, not horribly, but still. Most people I know have the tumtum flu or are hiding in their houses so they don't catch it. Here's my sickness: It started out on Sunday with a feeling in my throat that felt awfully like Strep. Which I know alot about because I just so happen to get it everytime the stars change shape. My mother took me to the doctor. God knows if I don't catch it soon, I'd be sick for a month. After sitting in the waiting room swimming with so many germs that I had a better chance of walking out of there with an illness rather than walking in, the doctor, after looking at me for 5 minutes, told me he didn't know what I had but he went ahead and threw some pills at me, cause you know, that always helps. On Monday my throat had gotten worse, but not much else happened, so lets skip on to Tuesday, shall we? I woke up unable to breath. It seems my nose thought I didn't enough problems already. And after blowing my nose so many times that little pieces of my brain come out, I said screw it and sucked water up my nose. Which, surprisingly help alot. I blew my nose for one of the last times today and if it weren't for the horrble pain in my head, my scratchy throat, and the fact that I might throw up at any moment, I feel great!