My Top 5 Songs That Describe Me

I've noticed that as much as I love music, I tend to listen to and remember the songs that describe me or my life. Her are my top 5 "Me" songs:

5. Rockwell - Somebody's Watching Me

I know all the words to this song. All of the words describe how I feel but the line "when I'm in the shower I'm afraid to wash my hair cause I might open my eyes and find someone standing there" has always been "my line". I was my hair with my eyes wide open.

4. Lily Allen - The Fear

I do want to be rich and famous. But don't worry. I won't really take my clothes off. ;)

3. College Humor - Awkward Rap

I do almost everything that they say in this song. Kinda sad on my end.

2. College Humor - One Week Parody

I know its stupid but this song totally makes sense to me. I can never get that song out of my head.

1. The Coral - Dreaming of You

This song has described how I've felt for almost my whole life. Crazy

No Air

Scott and Caitlin at their best. It may be a bit off but it still looks amazing.

My 5 Current Favorite Songs

I seem to go through favorites like a kid goes through a bag of candy. I'm always trying to find new music but I tend to like the stuff that no one has ever heard of before. And when I find something I like I listen to it over and over again for about three weeks. Maybe thats why I'm always looking for something new. Anyway, here are my top five songs for this month. They will probably change soon.

PS - Most of these songs either have cussing or are a bit dirty, so, just be careful.

5) I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic At The Disco


4) The Heist by Incredibad


3) The Pretender by Foo Fighters


2) Get Like Me by Childish Gambino


1) Ka-Blamo by Incredibad/Lonely Island



Ka-Blamo video. It's the best. My love is in it

Fading

I’m scared. I’m so unsure what I’m supposed to be doing right now. People keep telling me that I’m young and there for I don’t need to worry about the rest of my life, but I can’t stop. If I’m so young, why do I feel like my time is running out? Why do I feel like if I don’t make a decision, I’m going to end up living a life I never wanted? I’m so worried that I’ll never get to do the things I always wanted to do. I’m scared I’ll never go to college, or become an actress or a writer. I’m scared I’ll never fall in love and get married. I’m scared I’ll never get to have the children I always wanted. I’m scared I’ll never make a difference. I’m scared I’m fading away.

I try to act like I’m fine. I try to act like I’m feeling better. But the truth is I go to bed most nights crying just to wake up the next day to do the same thing all over again. I’m hurting inside and no one can see. I feel so worthless. I feel like no one really needs me. I drown myself in my school work and my books just so I don’t have to think about how much my heart aches. I stay in my room all day silently hoping that God would show me a sign that I’m not just a waste of space. Although it’s hard to hear him talk to me with all the yelling from the hall.

I think I just need a friend. Someone to talk to; someone who cares. I feel like I never see my mother anymore and my siblings don’t have time. The only friends I had left either don’t understand or simply ignore me. I just feel so alone. I’ve written so much in the past few weeks, but most of it was just me rambling. I hadn’t actually cried full heartedly and understood the reason in a long time until now. It’s been all bottled up inside of me and now my shirt is wet and my cheeks are hot. It hurts but at the same time I needed it. I just wish this was the end of it.

Unbelievable Dinner

Unbelievable Dinner

Lost in the Sea

I'm lost in a sea of confusion. I'm not sure if I should follow the waves or try to paddle back to shore. It feels like each wind is pulling me one way, each one becoming stronger by the minute. My body feels like its going to rip in half if I don't choose. But what if I choose the wrong one? I'll drown in failure and depression. I can already feel the waves crashing above my head. Once I slip under there will be no turning back. I'll be lost forever in the depths of this black sea we call life. So what can I do? I'll just have to hold on to my ores and pray to god there's not a hole in my boat.

I made this last night

Degrassi Mash Up

I made this today. Check it out!!!

http://www.the-n.com/theclick/masher/playback.php?mashup_id=120063

I'm in love with this boy!

Caution: These videos are kinda dirty...and by that I mean REALLY dirty!

Once Again

Is this not my brother?

This REALLY reminds me of my brother

It makes me think of my brother like, playing with his kids. When Patrick says "Pinch"...I can totally see Jeff doing that!

Degrassi Moments I Love

In five second Craig gets the girl and then totally ruins it.


When Manny started dressing like a slut. Poor JT hit his head


Best Face EVER


I cry everytime I watch this. I don't know why they had to do this.

Oddly Attractive

Being attractive to someone is an odd thing. It can be caused by many things other than what they look like. And everyone has different things they look for in a person. Some like blue eyes, others like green. Some like a person that can make them laugh, others like a person that can sing a song in perfect key. For most its a combanation of many things. I like a boy who is funny and smart and isn't afraid to think for himself. But some of the people I find attractive are a bit different than the average ideal good looking man.

1) Giovanni Ribisi
What a cutie. He normally plays the goofy type but earlier today I watched a movie called "The Perfect Stranger"...Wow...he was messed up.


2) Adam Levine
AKA the lead singer of Maroon 5. I'm not really sure why I think he's cute...I'll get back to you...


3) Zachary Quinto
Sylar. What more can I say?


4) Seth Rogan
I have a thing for chubby guys I think.


5) James Franco
Mmm, Spiderman's best friend/enemy. So beautiful. He reminds me of James Dean. But, I don't think I'm the only one who loves him.


And lastly, but most important:

6) Trevor Moore
Not alot of people know who he is, but my god, he's so wonderful! His hair is perfect. No words can explain.

Awake

As darkness falls I lie in my bed silently waiting for the sweet gift of sleep. I toss and I turn, unable to find a position in which I can feel at ease. My mind races with thoughts of what I’ve done and what I should be doing in my poor excuse for a life. The constant flickering of the light outside my window reflects the shadows of my many books of which I so desperately cling. I close my eye, begging for sleep, but it’s hard for me to not check the time for every minute that passes to see how long I’ve been awake. Awake…a word that seems so harmless to most, but to me its one of many things I fear. To be awake is to see how worthless I am. To be awake I have to face my life and my flaws. In my sleep I can dream of being better. I can live the life I can be proud in. I don’t have to feel alone and lost in this world which moves so fast that my eyes begin to water with the spinning vortex that is my life. Down the drain flow my hopes and dreams. I would try to catch them, but what’s the point. It feels as if my hands are tied and bound to a heavy weight. I’m being pushed into the blackest ocean which represents the depression that surrounds my body. It’s hard to breath with my lungs full of water. To dream is to escape. To dream is to hide from it all. To dream is to be happy. Please let me dream and cease to be awake.

Ever Fell Like This

I know I have!

Last night after coming home from the store I told my mother something about the stars. That line got me started on a poem. That poem turned into a story. Its not done, mind you, but I like it very much. Tell me what you think.

I have noticed, recently, that the skys have been bright with many stars. And your eyes have become dark as the night. The feeling of terror over comes me as I run down the banquet hall. The blood rushes through my veins and my heart pounds faster and faster with every step. The cool winters air flows through the open windows as I throw the bedroom door ajar. Searching for a weapon of sorts, I hear your foot steps move closer and closer. I run to the window in the back. I turn to face you and as our eyes meet, I jump. I feel myself free fall for what feels like forever until my body slams into the hard ground. I lay there, unable to move for I don't know how long until I hear the front door slam shut behind you. I crawl to my feet, my head pounding as I try to run. My face filled with tears, I race to the black forest just as the bright sky begins to rain. The earth is quiet for a moment with the only sound being my beating heart and the pitter patter of rain drops hitting the many branches of this black forest. I tuck behind a tree and try to catch my breath. The crunching of the leaves under your heavy feet sound so distant. I start to drift off uncontrollably. My eyes grow heavy and I can feel my body slumping to the floor. I wake to the sound of you calling my name. Through the darkness of the trees I can see your body moving closer. I can hardly make out the face, but I know its you. In your hand is a sharp, heavy axe used to cut wood long ago. That image...your body slowly moving towards me, axe in hand, began to burn itself inside my brain. With a deep breath I lift myself off the broken leaves and branches. I spot a light out in the distances and I try to make my way to it. Your gaining on me with ease for no matter how fast I run your always faster. The lights so close now and if I could only make it just a bit further I know I could.... The world is blurry as I slowly open the lids to my eyes. My head is spinning as I try to move. Blood is running down my face and into my mouth. Theres a sound I can make out in the distance. As I begin to come to I find that my body is tightly tied to the trunk of a very large tree. I frantically look around only to find you, digging a very large hole. Your axe lay before me covered in mud. I search my body for cuts only to find a small gash in my head. Not from the axe...from a rock which lay next to me now.



Thats all I have so far. I wrote the last bit which starts "with a deep breath" just now.

The Whitest Kids U Know

About a year ago a friend of mine showed me a video clip from a tv show I had never heard of before. Back then I didn't really think he had much taste in things because...well, because I heard the kind of music he listened to. Since then he has shown me a bunch of stuff that I have grown to love. For example, he was the first person to show my Flight of the Conchords, and now thats one of my favorite shows. At any rate I saw the name of the show in my tv guide about two weeks ago and I started to record it. This show is amazing! It has me rolling on the floor at every turn. Its uncensored and uncut and simply amazing. It airs on Sundays on IFC. There are so many reasons to watch it. One of them being that Trevor, one of the main guys, is wonderfully hot! And so is Zach...


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Mice

My house is being overrun by mice. And its not even the cute, little mice. Its big, fat, ugly mice! Annabell, my very over weight cat, is having a ball chasing them. This is the only exercise she's had in, what, five years! When I woke up today I walked into the kitchen to get a drink of water and take some pills to stop my nose from running. What did I find, you ask? On my floor was the head of a mouse. Just the head, mind you. Oh, and the tail. Annabell spit out the tail. "I only want the meat" my mother said in her funny voice she uses for my cat. After I found that horrible mouse head I went to check my email and I heard a noise that sounded like glass breaking. She had caught another mouse and was running around the house with it in her mouth. Later that day I went into the bathroom to change and to brush my hair. A big, nasty mouse come out from behind the toilet so I ran to get Annabell. When I tossed her into the bathroom and shut the door, all she did was whine and scratch like I was killing her. I finally got so mad at her that I kind of threw her out into the living room. I screamed at her and popped her on the butt. She hissed at me and I guess I was letting off some of my anger cause I threw a piece of paper at her. She ran off meowing. I calmed down and got the mail. In it was a letter for me....from the Humane Society....funny how things work, huh

What The Hell Wednesday

I find that as a person so ingrossed in the internet and television that I often come across things that don't make any sence to me and boggle my mind. Like why Japanese culture is so obsessed with the act of going to the bathroom. So I figured, since I'm such a giving person, I'd share the crazy things I come across each week. ENJOY!

Why in gods name is there a toy called 'Cock Blocks'?!?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD? And no, this isn't a sex toy or anything like that. This is a toy for LITTLE KIDS! Not that it being a sex toy would make the name any better. Yes, I'll agree that blocks are fun, but why the hell did they name it flipping COCK BLOCKS?! GOOD GOD!

The Darkness In My Mind

A while back a family member of mine tried to kill themselves. I haven't really talked about it since it happened, but tonight I feel like I should. I've always been a very depressed person. I spent nights in my room crying myself to sleep for no reason that I understood. Those who are close to me can name at least one time that I've been so lost in the darkness that is my mind that I have threatened to kill myself. I've had friends that have stopped talking to me because I get so upset sometimes and I'e had friends that told me to "go ahead and do it, not one cares about you anyway!" The main thing that kept me from doing it was my mother. I love her so much that my heart aches when I think about how badly it would hurt her. The rest of my family never acured to me. At times I thought they would all be better off. It hit me that my sister care a few months back when she thought I had been kidnapped or something and she yelled at me for about an hour. But sitting in my bed, listening to my sister explain to me what had happened that horribly tragic day and begging me to never kill myself...I felt a pain that I never want to put on someone. Although I didn't cry that day. I think the tears were unable to release themselves from my eyes. I think my mind had not fully understood...or maybe I understood it all too well. I understood that even though this horrible thing happened, it had made me see how badly I need to take control of my life, and stop these horrible thoughts. And you know what? I haven't had a thought like that since!